Gym Update...

Well, it's been about three weeks since Cara and I have joined the gym. I have actually been doing very well. I have been at least four times a week sometimes even up to eight times. Cara, on the other hand, is MIA. She did good the first week, but it all went downhill due to the damn Miami Heat making it to the finals. She is faithful to the Heat for some reason and I can't figure it out. She promised after it was over that she would come back. Well, it's over and she is still missing! I got a promise from her to come back on Monday. I am going to hold you to it even if I have to come wake your ass up from a nap.

OK, enough about Cara. Let's talk about me. I have come to the realization that I love to get up at 5:00 and go to the gym before I go to work. I have also made some new friends that are 70+. They are the only people that go to the gym that early and I think it's mainly because they are senile. I even managed to go this morning after drinking last night. Let me tell you, it was not my idea of fun. Once I got there I was glad that I went, but that soon changed. I thought it would be a good idea for to join in on the aerobics. Half way through I thought I was going to die, actually die, right there on that damn step thing. I also realized another thing. How in the hell did I dance in high school? I have lost any bit of coordination I used to have. I felt like Phoebe when she runs. Oh well, I had a good time and that's all that matters. Anyway, I made it through the hour long class and still did 20 minutes on the treadmill. I don't want to go all Richard Simmons on everyone, but I really do feel so much better when I start my day out at the gym.

Cara also sent an e-mail to me at work today that made me laugh. It almost sounds like she's the damn doctor. Here it is:


Love this DOCTOR!!!! HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION !

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottomsup!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet Sauvignon in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOOHOO, What a Ride"

Thanks, Cara, for the e-mail. It cracked me up! See you at the gym!